The Prick of the Pick

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The Prick of the Pick

April 30, 2010

Look. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I was the only gay dude watching the NFL draft; I’m just the only one I know. Did you watch it?

I love watching the drafts every year, for the same reason other people like watching American Idol; you are watching the moment that someone’s dream comes true. It’s inspiring, in a non-ironic sort of way.

As a lifetime Sooners fan, I was excited to see Sam Bradford go first, and Gerald McCoy to follow right behind at Number 3. I got to see Sam play once this season – I saw him suffer the injury that took him out for the rest of the year. You should have heard the roar in Owen Field (1) as he walked out onto the grass before the game. It was deafening. We love our quarterbacks, but Sam is especially beloved ‘round these parts.

Which is why it was so disheartening to watch all the ESPN coverage of the draft, because it centered almost exclusively on the #25 pick, Florida’s Tim Tebow. I honestly don’t think that 30 seconds passed without a mention of him. I’ve seen at least three long-form stories on the guy since the draft.

Which gets to the heart of why I hate him. I don’t know if you watched when Oklahoma played Florida in the National Championship last year, but it was painful. Not because Oklahoma lost, but because of the ridiculous fawning from the announcers. It was out of control. They were saying shit like, “Tim Tebow’s the kind of guy, you feel like you want to be a better person just for being in his presence.”

Tebow’s all large with The Jesus, which is fine. He wears the eye blacks with the Bible verses on them (2), but what I dislike about him is that he embodies everything that’s wrong with American evangelical culture. Have you ever heard him do one of his talks to a high school Fellowship of Christian Athletes group? “You should be just like me, because I’m just like Jesus, ONLY BETTER BECAUSE I CAN RUN THE OPTION.” Yes, we should all be just like him and go spend a week every year in an orphanage in the Phillippines. And be sure and drag an ESPN documentary crew along with you OR IT TOTALLY DOESN’T COUNT IN GOD’S EYES. Those losers who do the Lord’s work with the poor year round – where’s their press coverage?

Tebow, and all the fawning newscasters with their ridiculous Tebowners (3), don’t seem to understand that playing football doesn’t make a person Jesus Christ. I know he’s a role model and people look up to him, but didn’t Jesus say to beware of practicing your piety in front of men in order to be seen by them? (4)

People hate Tim Tebow because he represents what they can’t stand about the thing he goes out of his way to represent, namely Christianity in 21st century America. He’s so in your face with it, so over-the-top. Did you see his Focus on the Family commercial? You just know he was one of those kids at the pro-life rallies with the t-shirt that said “I’m so glad my mommy didn’t abort me!”

Whatever; give me Sam Bradford any day. He’s humble, he’s quiet, he gets out on the field every game and he leaves it all out there. He smiles shyly and doesn’t expect to be assumed into Heaven for it. The kid’s a real winner, and he’s going to go far in St. Louis. I paid attention to non-Super-Bowl NFL games for the first time after Adrian Peterson was drafted by Minnesota; Sam Bradford might make me an honest-to-God fan, especially when he and his Rams run roughshod all over Tebow and the Broncos (5).

1. I KNOW the name of the stadium is Gaylord Family Oklahoma Memorial Stadium For The Stars And Thank You For The Money, or whatever its name is. In my heart it’s always going to be Owen Field.

2. Leading to a new rule in the NCAA called “The Tebow Rule” which explicitly bans any kind of writing on a player’s face, and, according to the rules committee “Was not inspired by any particular player.” Because those dudes don’t want to go to Hell; I get it.

3. Thanks to lifetime Alabama fan Cameron Cole for teaching me that word. ROLL TIDE!

4. He did. Matthew 6.1. I TOTALLY HAVE A DEGREE IN RELIGION, BITCHES.

5. Who have no intention whatsoever of playing him, it seems. Also, I promise not to be so David Foster Wallace with the footnotes every time.

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http://okaycity.com/2010/04/30/the-prick-of-the-pick/ Okay City » The Prick of the Pick

[...] My first post is up at This Land Press, the one that’s going to get me in all kinds of trouble with The Jesus, for in it I criticize his favorite quarterback, Tim Tebow: [...]
http://www.doctorpants.com David Broyles

I was in a really crappy mood until I read this.
Josh Wininger

Nathan, I though your article was funny if not over the top. Out of curiosity, did he really say he is better than Jesus? I am assuming that is hyperbole but if I am wrong post it here because I would lose respect for him. I am not a tebowner and I thought he went way too high in the draft for a guy who has never run a pro offense and changed his throwing mechanics months ago. But I would argue the fact that he embodies everything that is wrong about American evangelical culture. To start with he practices what he preaches, he is not Ted Haggard. We didn’t find out later he was banging sorority row or anything. I know you have been frustrated as I have at the number of Christian leaders who have stumbled into sexual sin! And “dragging along an ESPN crew”? Do you know for sure thats how it happened? My guess is an ESPN crew found out about it and couldn’t believe it. I saw your reference to Matthew 6:1 and I agree with the truths found in that passage. But Tebow and his family had been going to the Philippines every year and one year ESPN came along. I actually thought it was a good thing. I have read your writing and agreed when you discussed the inability of the followers of Jesus Christ to copy his ministry on earth by reaching out and meeting the needs of those who are poor, sick, and hurting. Finally we get someone matching actions with words! It seems clear to me that the Tebow family was not trying to decide on their family vacation and thought “If we go on a mission trip this year instead and drag ESPN along everyone one will know how great we are!” I understand you are frustrated about the news coverage he recieves and that Sam Bradford receives none. I had heard he was a believer with a solid testimony and I am glad that is the case. I am not saying Tebow is greater than Bradford as a christian because I have no idea and that is what I should be thinking about. I do know if the Broncos had a choice between the two they would have taken Bradford for sure. But I see a light shining in the darkness. There are Christian principles being preached by a man whose talk and walk match! Nathan I love you and have tried to lift you and Brian up these last few weeks as you have endured trials of many kinds.. But your first article introducing yourself at a new site and you chose to write about your brother in Christ and how much you hate him for what are petty reasons! He’s on TV too much! no one talks about Bradford! I found this article to be more insightful about your character than that of Tebow or Bradford. I hope you enjoyed your time in Vegas.
Cameron

Nathan,
I’m not going to lie, I came around really to like Tebow after the way he handled himself after the Alabama loss. He was weak and genuine, which positively caught my attention.

I think you capture an important point in the article (besides the beauty of the phrase, Roll Tide. Oh, and by the way, Boomer Sooner!). There is something that the secular world and many Christians hate about works-righteousness, fundamentalist evangelicalism. In a classical sense, you and I likely would identify ourselves as evangelical in the sense that we believe that what Jesus did for us on the Cross is good, freeing news. But it’s the “be a champion” for God crowd that rubs everyone the wrong way. (Luther calls this crowd theologians of glory, but that’s for another blog.) They either give off a self-righteous arrogance, because they are “achieving” in the moral realm. Or they heap upon the rest of us the burden of law and performance to meausre up for God…..the very thing Jesus died to free us from.

I think Tebow has been upheld by the works-righteousness crowd as their face, regardless of whether that’s accurate or fair to him. I think the secular admirers of Tebow annoy us because they uphold him to be The Messiah, and we know that person died for mine, yours, and Tebow’s dirt 2,000 years ago.
http://thedirtycalvinist.com The Dirty Calvinist

I recall my first encounter with Tim Tebow (or at least his holy ghost). I was celebrating a former coworker’s birthday with about 30 other people at a Logan’s Roadhouse in Greer, South Carolina. Having lived in South Carolina for only a year, and having not lived in South Carolina for the preceding 2 years, I had lost all knowledge of college football and most knowledge of football in general. So when this crazy party of happy folks from upstate SC and eastern TN suddenly got all quiet and I found myself the only one talking (to my former boss, who is from VT and also immune to the pull of the technicolor gods), I was slightly embarrassed. I looked around to see what was going on, and I heard folks whispering ‘Tebow is hurt’, ‘Tebow is hurt’

Me being the ignoramus I am, I foolishly asked “Who is Tebow?” Almost everyone in the room shot me such dirty looks. I had commited heresy. Blasphemy even. I probably could have shouted “God is a black, Jewish lesbian” and received less response. And that is how I was introduced to Tim Tebow.
Brett

I’m going to second some of what Josh said. One of the things I’ve liked best about your writing at Okay City was that no matter how much disagreement I might have had with a position you expressed, I never felt as though either I or my point of view would have been treated with the disdain or petty dismissal I just read above, should we have had the opportunity for a face-to-face discussion. If your intention is to operate differently in this space I’ll just take a pass on following what appears here.
Kevin

I love the article, I understand what you mean, and I couldn’t agree more.
Ali

I could not agree with you more, Nate. I think Tim Tebow is a buzz-word-using grandstander who is the very epitome of what non-believers dislike about we “arrogant” Christians. Preach it, brother!
http://crashtestmommy.net Jenny Motley

I don’t have a real opinion on the Tebow issue one way or the other, except to say that I’m grateful for the respite between football seasons when I don’t have to hear ESPN commentators, my husband, and/or my son talking about him constantly. Even if my husband and/or my son seem to feel he is overrated. Whatevs.

Anyway, I enjoyed this post, and for better or worse you got people thinking and reacting. I think that’s what it’s all about. Kudos.