Holy Sweet Lord Baby Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ:
Oklahoma’s first openly transgender candidate will face Kern in fall election
OKLAHOMA CITY — A controversial lawmaker known for her comments against homosexuality likely will face the state’s first-known transgender candidate in this fall’s elections.
Oklahoma City attorney Brittany Novotny, a Democrat, filed Tuesday to run for the seat held by Rep. Sally Kern, R-Oklahoma City.
I haven’t been this excited since my family and I left Oklahoma in no small part because of Sally Kern and hideous human beings like her.
I mean, look: Here we have someone who’s graduated from law school and passed the bar, which in terms of total education already puts her in the top 0.3 percentile of the Oklahoma state legislature. She’s running against someone who considers homosexuality a bigger threat to the nation than terrorism. Already this is yet another of those political races that, on paper, seems like it’d be the most obvious choice under the sun. Like Jim Inhofe, John Sullivan, or Tom Coburn versus literally any living or dead form of life, including fossilized dinosaur skeletons. Especially fossilized dinosaur skeletons.
And yet. This is Oklahoma, where uttering the last sentence aloud in public would get you confused looks from I am guessing 60 percent of the people around you. And not just because you just uttered a sentence about Oklahoma’s elected representatives and dinosaur skeletons to no one in particular.
And so. I must reluctantly concede that there’s a possibility Novotny won’t get elected. She will, after all, be running in a district that’s elected Sally Fucking Kern for three goddamn terms in a row. (Well, two terms, if you don’t count 2006, when nobody bothered to run against her.)
NONETHELESS: I feel a political contribution coming on. I gave like five bucks to Andrew Rice when he ran, by god, and I was unemployed then. I’ve got steady work these days, so Novotny’s getting at least eight from me. Plus my vote, if I can figure out how to stuff a ballot box 800 miles away.