Letter of Resignation

by David Desmond


David Murphy
TV Guide, Superstar
7140 S. Lewis Ave
Tulsa, OK 74136

October 18, 2000

Dear Mr. Murphy,

Due to the misunderstanding of my employment parameters, recently outlined in our meeting of October 13, 2000, I am turning in my two weeks notice of resignation effective October 30, 2000.

Unfortunately, according to the aforementioned meeting, the  company finds my alternative scheduling arrangement unsatisfactory and instructs me to make a choice: continue my employment in a schedule formatted with a bit more continuity, or resign. Due to previous engagements, I am unable to comply with the former choice. I deeply regret causing any undue consternation regarding this matter. In truth, I have enjoyed working with both our noteworthy clientele and my cordial co-workers in my position as Customer Service Representative for TV Guide.

Actually, I want to be a pirate. Not someone who steals HBO or satellite programming, but a true buccaneer of the high seas like Blackbeard, Henry Morgan, or Captain Kidd. The smell of salt air, the cry of seagulls, the drunken laughter of swarthy friends–it’s a Siren’s song I can no longer avoid. Of course I will have to start in an introductory position, swabbing decks, rowing, and eating gruel. But the same cheerful diligence that brought me compliments from our patrons and colleagues alike will soon reward me with a command of my own. I’m sure you can understand that a man must follow his passions, matey.

Piracy has long been on my heart and my recent swaggering is only the start. Although I will look back fondly on my tenure at TV Guide, I’m anxious to get started plotting my future adventures and conquests on the seven seas.

It has been my pleasure working for and with you, Mr. Murphy.

David Desmond


ME HEAD was a free-press zine that was launched in 2000 and distributed in Tulsa, Dallas, Austin, and Phoenix. It featured early works from several writers who have since contributed to This Land. During peak periods of its brief circulation, it boasted 300,000 online readers a month. Only three of the six issues were circulated in print. In 2013, This Land Press will publish the collected works of Me Head.

Appears in This Land, Vol. 4 Issue 5. March 1st, 2013.