PLAYMATE: Friedrich Nietzsche
BIRTHDATE: October 15, 1844
BIRTHPLACE: Rocken, Saxony
BUST: 42’’
WAIST: 48’’
HIPS: 46’’
HEIGHT: 5’10’’
WEIGHT: 298 lbs
AMBITIONS: To be superman, haha.
TURN-ONS: Wide open country, big dogs, sports cars, sexy lingerie, horses.
TURN-OFFS: Really patriotic types and people who don’t have anything nice to say.
SIGN: Scorpio
FAVORITE BOOKS: Anything by Jane Austen
IDEAL MATE: Intelligent, unselfish, someone who makes my knees shake!
SECRET FANTASY: To take a midnight ride with someone special to a secret place I know.

* * *

PLAYMATE: Michel Foucault
BIRTHDATE: October 15, 1926
BIRTHPLACE: Poitiers, France
BUST: 32’’
WAIST: 32’’
HIPS: 32’’
HEIGHT: 6’1’’
WEIGHT: 178 lbs
AMBITIONS: To become important, but not so important that I forget who I really am inside.
TURN-ONS: Beach parties, prison movies, and Mexico
TURN-OFFS: When Americans talk about social scrutiny. Yech.
MY FRIENDS KNOW: I love to have fun and travel. I’m all about fun. My nickname is Fou, which means crazy in French.
IN MY SPARE TIME: I like to sway back and forth, pretending I’m a pendulum. I get great ideas that way.
A GREAT DATE: A parade, and a movie after.
THE PERFECT MEAL: Mexican food, or Italian. And churros. I love churros.
FAVORITE ENTERTAINERS: Robert Redford, Joan Baez, Led Zeppelin, Crosby, Stills and Nash.
MY PHILOSOPHY: I used to think that society operated on all these principles of exclusion, and you could quantify social values that way, but now I just believe whatever happens happens, and there’s no reason to worry.

* * *

PLAYMATE: Ayn Rand
BIRTHDATE: February 2, 1905
BIRTHPLACE: St. Petersburg, Russia
BUST: 17’’
WAIST: 20’’
HIPS: 18’’
HEIGHT: 4’7’’
WEIGHT: 84 lbs
AMBITIONS: I want to write Hollywood movies someday.
TURN-ONS: You don’t want to know.
TURN-OFFS: Do-gooders and niceguy types. Gimme a rebel anyday.
VIRTUES: Egocentric, self-absorbed, individualistic.
VICES: Once in a while I do something altruistic and I get so ashamed.
WHY I COULD NEVER BE PRESIDENT: I hyperventilate when I have to talk in front of a crowd.
MY PHILOSOPHY: Live it up, but don’t do anything you’ll regret when you’re 80.

ME HEAD was a free-press zine that was launched in 2000 and distributed in Tulsa, Dallas, Austin, and Phoenix. It featured early works from several writers who have since contributed to This Land. During peak periods of its brief circulation, it boasted 300,000 online readers a month. Only three of the six issues were circulated in print. In 2013, This Land Press will publish the collected works of Me Head.

Published in This Land, Vol. 4, Issue 6. March 15, 2013.